Tag Archives: its a jungle out there

My blind date….. a non starter

So, it’s been a month since I’ve taken a break from the online dating world. To tell you the truth, it’s been quite nice not having to deal with all the drama. But, I’m never going to find anyone just going to work, sleeping, looking after my boys and watching Netflix marathons whilst sitting on the couch in my pyjamas.  

So when a mate of mine asked if I’d go in a blind date with a guy he knew, I thought “What the hell?” “What have I got to lose?” So I cautiously said he could pass on my phone number, but to let him know that I don’t take kindly to phone calls in the middle of the day whilst I was sleeping, that text was best.

I thought that I’d wake up to a message on my phone…… no message.

I thought he might message that night…… no message.

Maybe he’d message the next day…… no message.
The next day, when I’d given up hope, I received a message via Facebook messenger. He apologised for not messaging sooner, but he’d accidentally deleted my number. I took him at his word, as I do that sort of thing all the time.

But then, seeing as he messaged me via Facebook, I visited his page. I mean, what did he expect? Let me paint a picture of his Profile photo. He was a middle age, fairly largish, Italian, heavily tattooed guy, with a moustache and a flavour saver goatee thingy. Now don’t get me wrong, I really don’t care what someone looks like, it’s their personality that either wins me over or gets me walking away. However it was the much younger Asian girl on his arm that had me questioning his motives. That and his relationship status saying he was in a relationship with this young thing may also have given it away.

So I messaged him back, saying that I wasn’t the type of girl, that would see a guy that was already in a relationship. He then did the whole denial thing. Denied being in a relationship, saying that he’d broken up with her and hadn’t gotten around to updating his Facebook page.

Did he think I was that gullible? Did he think that me, being of the female species, was going to just let that go and not investigate further? That I was going to take him at his word? I mean, come on! Us women are renowned for our investigative AKA stalking skills. Give us a name and we could find out what you’ve had for breakfast!

So back to the Facebook page I went, for a closer inspection. The profile photo that had been posted, had been uploaded the day before. So if he had broken up with her, it must have been that morning. Obviously he was really torn up about the recent split.

So of course, I went to the apparent ex girlfriends page. She had a photo of the two of them together posted on the that day, and he’d commented on he photo saying “my princess” 

And THAT wasn’t the pièce de résistance, the highlight of my search, was when I found a post that she had posted on Mother’s Day, just one week before, stating she couldn’t wait to start trying for a baby! Of course he replied….”very soon”

WTF???? What the actual fuck? Such a class act. He’d told my mate he was single and asked if my mate knew any single chicks, all the while he was telling his young girlfriend that they would start trying for a baby soon??? Is it just me? Am I the only one that finds this unacceptable, behaviour? Not only treating this poor, young and very much better looking than him, girl in such a terrible way, but he thought I’d fall for his lies. Thought I was gullible enough to take him at his word. Thought that I was that I was so unintelligent that I would add 1+1 and come up with 27!

Honestly, do I only attract douchebags? I suppose I can be thankful that he was stupid enough to message me via Facebook. And no actual date eventuated. Thank God for small mercies!

Online dating…… some clarifications

So….. I’ve been chastised by a friend, that I have been a bit one sided with my dating commentary. That I paint the men in a negative light, but aren’t so forthcoming with my actions. So this is for you Jon…..

Do I like having sex? You bet I do. I’m having my rebellious teenage years now. Having sex and drinking alcohol. 2 things I hadn’t really experienced properly until last year. Now I enjoy both. “General fuckstickery”….. if can quote the aforementioned friend.

Have I hooked up with a guy or two? Why yes, yes I have. Knowing full well what I was in for. No expectations. None of them ever said they were looking for a relationship.

Do I want a relationship? Yes, yes I do. For as much as I like sex, I want the whole package. I don’t want to go around sleeping with random men. I want someone to grow old with. We don’t have to get married, we don’t have to even live together, but I want some commitment from them, that they actually want to be in a relationship with me. That they want to go out with me, be seen in public together and maybe go away on holidays together. Be there for me when I have a bad day. Celebrate with me when things are great.

So when I blog about guys like the manchild and his tantrums, it’s not that I didn’t like sleeping with him, I did. Maybe he mistook the fact that I was very much enjoying seeing him, shall we say, on fairly frequent basis for action in the boudoir, maybe he mistook that to mean that, that was all I wanted. Maybe I am partly at fault. But….I did specify on everyone of these occasions that I wanted more. That I wanted to get to know him. That on my days off, I wanted to go on a date. What I have issue with, was his inability to accept that I wanted more, when he had emphasised early on, that that is what he wanted too. I wanted a proper relationship. He either changed his mind, or never was really interested in a relationship and wanted me to just have sex with him. But, the clincher was when he said I wasn’t allowed to keep looking for someone who wanted a relationship, whilst he was allowed to.. That’s my issue. The lies and double standards.

As to the CPAP wearing older man. I had a great time. I’d go back to visit him. Yes, he’s older and wears an elbow warmer to bed, but he’s a great conversationalist, intelligent, made me laugh and was fun in bed. So if I feel that if that’s what I need, another fun and entertaining night, I’ll certainly go back again. But it’s not what I’m looking for in the long term.

I hope that clears a few things up. I am not and will never be a man hater, I’m not a prude….and I love sex as much as the next person. If not more. 

As to my profile, the next time I try online dating. Apparently this should be my bio….

Is that better Jon?

PS, I still think you’re a dick xx

Online dating. Part 2.

Here’s the next instalment…..

Well, I’ve bitten the bullet, after my first disastrous attempt of online dating last year, I’ve finally built up enough courage to try again. Let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger and I’m certainly not going to find my ideal partner whilst working nightshift in a women’s hospital. AND I’ve come to the realisation that I don’t want to grow old, alone and the owner of 27 cats. So….. back on the proverbial horse. 
I had to psych myself up this time around. I had to tell myself not to take things personally, don’t freak out when you get unsolicited dick pics, don’t be so sensitive. Maybe I should lower my standards? Change my parameters for my ideal partner search? Should having ones own teeth really be a priority? Do I really need a man that has the same expectations as me when it comes to personal hygiene? Should I view illicit drug use, just as an optional extra????

In a word no…. I won’t lower my standards, or my search parameters but I no longer look at the photos or age. I’ve gone on dates where they look amazing in the photos and in person they look like Chewbacca. Or they look hideous on their photos and are surprisingly good looking in person. Plus, I’m no Supermodel, so why should I judge a person by their cover? And age….. well, I’m 40 now, no spring chicken myself, who knows what I miss out on if I use +/- 5 years of my age as a criteria. So now I’ve expanded my age search requirements to under 55. 

Since I’ve reactivated my account, I’ve been on 6 dates. They haven’t been all bad. However, I have found that I have absolutely no idea what men think. I think I’m fairly upfront and honest, I don’t play games, and I’ll always be kind and let people down easily if I think it’s not working. Most men don’t seem to play by the same rules.

I went on one date, drove 50km to meet up with him, chatted away for hours over brunch, thought we had a good time and had a connection, he said that next time, he’d drive up to my area for a date, to never hear from him again. 

I’ve gone on other dates that said on their profile that they want a relationship, want to find a partner to spend their lives with, to learn pretty quickly that they just want to hook up. Come on guys, just say what you mean/want. I’m sure there’s girls out there wanting the same thing. 

One guy I met up with, after texting for weeks, looked fantastic on paper, we liked similar things, both worked in caring professions. But when we met up, he had the personality of wet toilet paper. So I ended it gently but pretty quickly. 

I have had luck making another friend however. This guy was great, perfect gentleman on our coffee date. We were both quite shy, don’t have a huge circle of friends, kids aren’t needing us as much. The only problem, was that he was a male version of myself. It would have been like dating me! Weird, really weird. But, we get along like we’ve known each other for ages. Everything was easy. So we’ve decided to continue being friends. Everyone can do with more of those. 

The most recent guy is in his 50’s, seems nice so far, had a few dates now and things seem to be going smoothly, I even got flowers and champagne on the first date! So we’ll just have to wait and see what the next few weeks brings. 

So I haven’t fallen in a heap, I haven’t  met with an untimely death, but I don’t think I’ve met the one just yet. 

…….So until the next instalment. 

The World of Online Dating

Online dating…..It’s the new and almost only way to meet someone when you’re nearing 40, and as a single parent, work unsociable hours on a full-time basis. Now I’m no expert, but after a year of trying to navigate my way through the online dating world I’ve given up. I have some friends that say you’ve got to keep trying and others that think I’ve done amazingly well lasting as long as I had done. But I’ve had enough, if the right guy is out there waiting, I’m not going to find him on the plethora of sites and apps that are out there.

Now I’m sure I’m not the only one, I’m decent enough catch. Sure, I’m no Megan Fox, but I’m a well-educated woman, with a job,  my own house and car, I don’t use drugs and I’m fairly liberal minded. So why is it,  that only get messages from guys wanting a one night stand, guys over the age of 55 or guys that I’m sure are serial killers? How many dick pics does one have to endure before you find true love? I mean really? Is that what the modern woman wants to see? Am I alone, or am I the only one out there that actually wants to get to know someone before I see their genitals?

I’m not looking for Mr perfect, a runway model who earns a billion dollars. I just want a normal guy, that wants to spend time with another adult, who has a job and on their spare time wants to catch up, go out for dinner and if it all works out, go on holidays etc. As my boys are getting older, I don’t have to spend all my time caring for them, I can go out, do something for myself….. occasionally. There will be a point that they won’t need me anymore. Is there any men in the same boat? Surely there is, but alas, they don’t contact me. I’m not looking for marriage, or to move in together, I don’t want to be a ball and chain. I’ve done that, and for me, it wasn’t he happiest arrangement.

I have been on a few dates, they survived my screening process of being within 10 years of my age, can converse easily, (can string a sentence together), doesn’t smoke and doesn’t send me a dick pic. Those few that managed to get to the date stage, have been memorable experiences.

One, I went to the movies and the poor guy was very nervous and awkward. His leg twitched the entire movie, making it almost impossible to concentrate on the movie. The coffee afterwards was just as uncomfortable, he couldn’t make eye contact and most of the conversation was around his cats. Needless to say, I thanked him for the date, paid my way and exited quietly stage left.

Another date, we met at the casino, we had been chatting for a few weeks and had spoken on the phone. I thought we got along well. We met at the casino, we chatted like we’d been friends for years, I thought it went swimmingly. The time flew by, after nearly 6 hours he put me in my cab to go home. He messaged me on my trip home to tell me that I wasn’t what he was looking for. I was at a loss, to this day I don’t know what he was looking for.

My most memorable experience was when I started chatting to this FIFO worker. When I first saw his picture, I thought… NO WAY! He looked like Tony Soprano and he was a smoker. We had nothing in common….. but he could chat. He messaged me one morning and I had just finished work. Talking to him was so easy, he could make me laugh and we had more in common than I previously thought. He was looking for someone to share his life with, Nearly grownup kids, worked shift work, own house etc etc. Our first date went well, no awkward silences and he played the gentleman. After a few weeks we were chatting every day and catching up when we could. I liked him, things were gong well…. or so I thought. I thought things were going well, I knew he wasn’t the boyfriend type and didn’t like be introduced as such. That should have been a red flag, But once again, I’m fairly naive. I met all his friends and family. I thought this might be it. After spending 8 years on my own, I wasn’t any more.

Then came the chat….the one we all dread. (It came on the worst possible day, I’d just been given some bad news about my health and I was going to his for dinner). It the chat where they say … ” it’s not you it’s me”…. “I’m not looking for a relationship”…..”I hope we can still be friends”

For fuck sake!!!  If you’re not looking for relationship why the fuck are you on a dating site????? I can not understand it and never will.  I didn’t let it deter me, I went back on the site for a few months, back to the dick pics and messages from serial killers, who want to marry me after  one night of texts. So I’m done. Done with the fake profiles of people professing to want to find love. Done with the guys just wanting a root and done with the dick pics.

On a positive note, I’m still friends with the guys that’s not looking for a relationship. He’s actually my best friend. Heavens knows why, he’s a dick, he’s still on the dating site, going on dates. But, he makes me laugh, he never judges and he knows me better than anyone. Not what I was looking for, but better than what I had.