Tag Archives: hermit

My exciting week as a hermit 

So nothing too exciting to report this week from me.
BUT……. I’ve successfully transitioned into becoming a hermit. Can you believe it??? Success within a week!! I’ve spent my entire week off at home, doing hermit things, didn’t get to do the Netflix marathons as planned, as I was looking after my boys who have conveniently contracted gastro. That’s right people, don’t be jealous now, I had an entire week relaxing at home cleaning up vomit from every corner of Adam’s room, (unfortunately he hasn’t quite worked out how to vomit in a toilet bowl yet) Maybe he’ll master it in the next 15 years. Dean made it to the toilet, but missed the bowl. But luckily he can clean it up. I however, spent my Monday cleaning up vomit, washing vomit filled bed linen and clothes and tending to miserable boys. I spent a considerable amount of time moving Adam’s queen size bed trying to find an elusive vomit that I could smell but couldn’t see. He’d managed to squeeze an enormous vomit between the side of the bed and the wall. It looked like a Pro Hart masterpiece down there!

The smell permeated the whole house. I used 2 whole cans of Glen 20, then moved on to scrubbing the carpet with what I’ve found to be an amazingly adaptive product, a Sard Wonder stain remover spray. It removes the stains AND it removes the vomit smell and replaced it with refreshing eucalyptus. That’s a win/win for this hermit Mum. I’ll be stocking up on payday.

(The wonder product)

(Dean will kill me for that photo…. and yes, he’s wearing my dressing gown)

But the excitement doesn’t end there. In between loads of washing, scrubbing and deodorising, I played and lost games of words with friends. I know, everyone wants my life, you’re all very jealous.
(What on earth is an Etwee Paul?)

All I can say is Thank God for the one big night of friends, food, football and an amazing fountain filled with Margheritas. Thanks boys, it made my week. xx 

Becoming a hermit

I think I’ll become a hermit.

The recent bout of online dating has left me drained and emotionally battered. I’m also devastated that the plan to adopt 27 cats has been foiled, when I remembered I’m highly allergic. There’s not enough Zyrtec in the world to stop my eyes puffing up like Puffin Fresh donuts, or stop me wheezing like a 90 year old emphysemic patient, with only days to live. I have to apologise, the orders for decoupage boxes me also be delayed. As I’ve come to realise that I lack, well, shall we say, I’m completely devoid of both talent and the patience it takes to cut out millions of magazine pictures and arrange them in artistic way. Mine would end up looking like a creepy stalkers’ photo board.  

So I’ve changed my plans and decided to become a hermit. Not the crustacean kind, the kind where I voluntarily live in seclusion from society. Usually it’s done for “religious “reasons, but I’m doing for, “I can’t be bothered trying any more” reasons. 

I realise that working may pose a problem for my transformation into becoming a hermit, but I’m willing to sacrifice my career for my dreams. I’m no quitter. I could quite happily spend my days on the couch, binging on Netflix and my favourite movies on iTunes, eating popcorn and drinking Coke Zero. I could get my endless supply delivered to my doorstep. I also hear Dan Murphy’s delivers. So there really isn’t any obstacles to stop me achieving my dream. I think my full transformation will be complete by Thursday. I’ll will have had my two days off from work and children, so I should be well on my way to hermitism. (I know, I’ve made up that word, but it sounds good)

No dates, no people, no messaging, no sexts, no dick picks, just me, my TV and my best friend – microwave popcorn.

The only problem I can foresee, is that I am catching up with friends tomorrow night, I have a job interview on Thursday and I have to pick the kids up on Friday, maybe church on Saturday and ….oh…. And I might go to paintballing on Sunday and go out for the Arsenal v Spurs game Sunday night, but other than that….. I’m all good for hiding away at home.