I think I’ll become a hermit.
The recent bout of online dating has left me drained and emotionally battered. I’m also devastated that the plan to adopt 27 cats has been foiled, when I remembered I’m highly allergic. There’s not enough Zyrtec in the world to stop my eyes puffing up like Puffin Fresh donuts, or stop me wheezing like a 90 year old emphysemic patient, with only days to live. I have to apologise, the orders for decoupage boxes me also be delayed. As I’ve come to realise that I lack, well, shall we say, I’m completely devoid of both talent and the patience it takes to cut out millions of magazine pictures and arrange them in artistic way. Mine would end up looking like a creepy stalkers’ photo board.
So I’ve changed my plans and decided to become a hermit. Not the crustacean kind, the kind where I voluntarily live in seclusion from society. Usually it’s done for “religious “reasons, but I’m doing for, “I can’t be bothered trying any more” reasons.
I realise that working may pose a problem for my transformation into becoming a hermit, but I’m willing to sacrifice my career for my dreams. I’m no quitter. I could quite happily spend my days on the couch, binging on Netflix and my favourite movies on iTunes, eating popcorn and drinking Coke Zero. I could get my endless supply delivered to my doorstep. I also hear Dan Murphy’s delivers. So there really isn’t any obstacles to stop me achieving my dream. I think my full transformation will be complete by Thursday. I’ll will have had my two days off from work and children, so I should be well on my way to hermitism. (I know, I’ve made up that word, but it sounds good)
No dates, no people, no messaging, no sexts, no dick picks, just me, my TV and my best friend – microwave popcorn.
The only problem I can foresee, is that I am catching up with friends tomorrow night, I have a job interview on Thursday and I have to pick the kids up on Friday, maybe church on Saturday and ….oh…. And I might go to paintballing on Sunday and go out for the Arsenal v Spurs game Sunday night, but other than that….. I’m all good for hiding away at home.