Online dating…..It’s the new and almost only way to meet someone when you’re nearing 40, and as a single parent, work unsociable hours on a full-time basis. Now I’m no expert, but after a year of trying to navigate my way through the online dating world I’ve given up. I have some friends that say you’ve got to keep trying and others that think I’ve done amazingly well lasting as long as I had done. But I’ve had enough, if the right guy is out there waiting, I’m not going to find him on the plethora of sites and apps that are out there.
Now I’m sure I’m not the only one, I’m decent enough catch. Sure, I’m no Megan Fox, but I’m a well-educated woman, with a job, my own house and car, I don’t use drugs and I’m fairly liberal minded. So why is it, that only get messages from guys wanting a one night stand, guys over the age of 55 or guys that I’m sure are serial killers? How many dick pics does one have to endure before you find true love? I mean really? Is that what the modern woman wants to see? Am I alone, or am I the only one out there that actually wants to get to know someone before I see their genitals?
I’m not looking for Mr perfect, a runway model who earns a billion dollars. I just want a normal guy, that wants to spend time with another adult, who has a job and on their spare time wants to catch up, go out for dinner and if it all works out, go on holidays etc. As my boys are getting older, I don’t have to spend all my time caring for them, I can go out, do something for myself….. occasionally. There will be a point that they won’t need me anymore. Is there any men in the same boat? Surely there is, but alas, they don’t contact me. I’m not looking for marriage, or to move in together, I don’t want to be a ball and chain. I’ve done that, and for me, it wasn’t he happiest arrangement.
I have been on a few dates, they survived my screening process of being within 10 years of my age, can converse easily, (can string a sentence together), doesn’t smoke and doesn’t send me a dick pic. Those few that managed to get to the date stage, have been memorable experiences.
One, I went to the movies and the poor guy was very nervous and awkward. His leg twitched the entire movie, making it almost impossible to concentrate on the movie. The coffee afterwards was just as uncomfortable, he couldn’t make eye contact and most of the conversation was around his cats. Needless to say, I thanked him for the date, paid my way and exited quietly stage left.
Another date, we met at the casino, we had been chatting for a few weeks and had spoken on the phone. I thought we got along well. We met at the casino, we chatted like we’d been friends for years, I thought it went swimmingly. The time flew by, after nearly 6 hours he put me in my cab to go home. He messaged me on my trip home to tell me that I wasn’t what he was looking for. I was at a loss, to this day I don’t know what he was looking for.
My most memorable experience was when I started chatting to this FIFO worker. When I first saw his picture, I thought… NO WAY! He looked like Tony Soprano and he was a smoker. We had nothing in common….. but he could chat. He messaged me one morning and I had just finished work. Talking to him was so easy, he could make me laugh and we had more in common than I previously thought. He was looking for someone to share his life with, Nearly grownup kids, worked shift work, own house etc etc. Our first date went well, no awkward silences and he played the gentleman. After a few weeks we were chatting every day and catching up when we could. I liked him, things were gong well…. or so I thought. I thought things were going well, I knew he wasn’t the boyfriend type and didn’t like be introduced as such. That should have been a red flag, But once again, I’m fairly naive. I met all his friends and family. I thought this might be it. After spending 8 years on my own, I wasn’t any more.
Then came the chat….the one we all dread. (It came on the worst possible day, I’d just been given some bad news about my health and I was going to his for dinner). It the chat where they say … ” it’s not you it’s me”…. “I’m not looking for a relationship”…..”I hope we can still be friends”
For fuck sake!!! If you’re not looking for relationship why the fuck are you on a dating site????? I can not understand it and never will. I didn’t let it deter me, I went back on the site for a few months, back to the dick pics and messages from serial killers, who want to marry me after one night of texts. So I’m done. Done with the fake profiles of people professing to want to find love. Done with the guys just wanting a root and done with the dick pics.
On a positive note, I’m still friends with the guys that’s not looking for a relationship. He’s actually my best friend. Heavens knows why, he’s a dick, he’s still on the dating site, going on dates. But, he makes me laugh, he never judges and he knows me better than anyone. Not what I was looking for, but better than what I had.